Wednesday, March 29, 2006
u dont have to read this (2)
i still think im too young.. not mature enough..... u know that feeling?
i mean sometimes i think, god.... this life is too hard..but still i keep trying and trying,with a smile, i promise, but the very inside of me is frightend..and thats also mayb... bcoz i fear failure and i cant accept it....im that kind of ppl who can always c the empty half of the galss...still im cheerful, always smiling and i can make anybody who share time with me so happy,that kind of person who can create the party now!..... but something is always hidden inside me.
i dont know regret, mayb thats why i feel like im not moving forword coz from time to another u have to look back and check things once more to learn....... from the other side, this not looking back thing gave me so much strength to keep my very first principals that i have and never let them go , but sometimes i look arround and i feel like im one of my kind, not in a good way or bad either, its just im standing alone here in no where..holding my old stuff, my first personality that i once discovered, not able and refusing to b changed, that i love myself the way i am, but sometimes it doesnt work, especially the honesty part_even when i like some guy_ ill just say it, im just that very nice person i mean over nice, that ppl will think im mad or, u know, other bad stuff mayb, and its not abt if u care or not as i dont, but u can c it in others eyes, whatever was the look....and yes i admit it... i just cant take things easy, its also becoz i believe; if u start to take things _that happened to u or things that u care abt_ easy ull loose ur sensibilty in this solid world, i love me being sensetive and romantic and passionate almost abt every thing in my life, but it seems it doesnt work anymore, as i think im balanced between being romantic and realistic ,which sometimes i just do it for things sake, i still can feel that im loosing sensibility and tenderness..its just how i think the world should b going..
but wallah its too much trouble coz when im in love im too deeply madly in love, when i believe in an idea ill b dying for it,when i make friends i over trust them..its just how i am....
ya i may seem silly for some of u as u may say:" hey girl get real",but i know that theres many ppl who r like me and they r abt to go crazy bcoz of it.....
and by the way.. im ok :) its just i feel like "w ba3deeen?"